A Stereo I Can't Turn Off
by JannP
Summary: Everyone in his life and around him knows that he and Rachel broke up and they've given him wide berth for some reason. He kind of wonders if they're just waiting for him to snap. He won't. It's not like when he found out about Puck and Quinn. It's different—he's different—and this is different, too. Finntana s2 redo/overview in two parts.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ** Give me three things - the first line included below, **Kill the Lights **by **Matt Nathanson**, and a newfound appreciation for this pairing and what do you get? This thing. Thanks Leo (wood-u-like-2-no), Jacqui, and Crissy for hand-holding, encouraging and all that jazz. This is part one of two, part two will follow shortly.

**Disclaimer: **** I don't own it. I'm not making money from this. You should please review it and let me know what you think anyway, even though I can't bribe you with baked goods or anything.**

* * *

There's something in the water making the girls go crazy.

He's sure that's what it is.

But is it just, like, _his_ water? Maybe that's the problem. Do people have water, like on an individual basis? He doesn't know about that, he just knows like… three things. One: the Browns are never gonna win a Super Bowl. He has his doubts about them ever even getting there, but he's not as certain on that as he is on the fact they'll never win. (The whole winning-championships-before-there-was-a-Super-Bow l thing isn't relevant. To anything. Like, ever.) Anyway. Two: girls are nuts and maybe his stepbrother is onto the right idea. Then again… maybe he should just stick with girls are nuts and unpredictable and if there's one thing he doesn't like that much, it's a surprise. Dating is dating, girl or boy, and dating is nuts. Maybe that's closer to the truth. Dating is just… trouble. Maybe more trouble than it's worth? He doesn't know about that either. He was just starting to fall into the good boyfriend groove again. It takes him some time to get it under control because dating is crazy at first (or, y'know, at _all_) but once things settle down and he knows the person, he can be a good boyfriend; as long as he hasn't lied at the start, maybe.

Anyway. The third thing he knows: the nachos from that gas station on Main and Front are not to be messed with or eaten under any circumstances. Instant puking, no matter what. It's like the soup place from How I Met Your Mother. He's not sure, but maybe that actually counts as a fourth thing. He's catching up pretty fast on his sitcom knowledge during this break because this break fucking sucks. Because girls—and dating—are crazy. See? Full circle. He likes that. Things are easier when the circle is unbroken, which feels like a metaphor. Those used to be important but maybe he's getting over that.

(Who's he kidding? He's not getting over it. He can tell by the way Kurt arches an eyebrow at him when he takes a Cheetos-break to get the cheese powder off his fingertips. Maybe with mouth. It's not like it matters anymore. Rachel hated it when he did that because she thought it made him unkissable. Maybe… maybe he's done it more than he should _because_ of that. So what?)

He's not, but who cares?

(No one.)

The doorbell rings at the same time Kurt snatches the remote. "Door's for you," Kurt says as he maneuvers through the Netflix screens.

"Excuse you? I was watching that, man," Finn protests. "I…"

"Finn!"

Carole lobbied for an intercom in their new house (they, like, literally moved in two weeks ago, all in one really long and exhausting day after the wedding but before Kurt went away to school and busted ass to set the whole thing up for Christmas.) Burt turned her down. Finn understands why. They definitely don't need it when Burt's home to answer the door and yell.

"Fine. _God_," he grumbles and he lifts himself off the couch to see who's at the door. Yeah, like, he has no idea. Honestly, maybe he shouldn't have left his phone sitting on his nightstand for the last three days. Maybe it would've given him some warning. He just… wasn't expecting much. Much of what he doesn't know but honestly… everyone in his life and around him knows that he and Rachel broke up and they've given him wide berth for some reason. He kind of wonders if they're just waiting for him to snap. He won't. It's not like when he found out about Puck and Quinn. It's different—he's different—and this is different, too. People are just leaving him alone. It'd be nice if wasn't so lonely.

It's safe to say Santana is the last person he expected to see standing on his doorstep with her shoulders and the top of her head dusted in sparkly snow. And because it seems like he and Santana's problems always start with someone opening their mouth (namely, her), he just pushes his lips together and keeps his smile small and points in the general direction of his bedroom with his head. He doesn't even say hello. She doesn't even take her hands out of the pockets of her Cheerios coat, so he figures that's about the same thing.

It's weird to have her behind him because yeah, metaphors or something, but he doesn't look back. He closes his bedroom door and she sits on the end of his bed. He sits down next to her, his shoulder touching hers, and tries not to point out that she's gonna get his bed wet because he doesn't want to point out that they're on his bed. He's sure she knows and he's sure he doesn't have the energy to deal with whatever she'd have to say about it because it'd be a shitty comment.

For as frustrated and annoyed and whatever as he's been with her over the last three and a half weeks, for as many things as he's thought about saying to her, he only comes up with one and even that one he has to clear his throat to get out. He can't explain the lump the words roll over and keeps his hands twisted around each other uncomfortably in his lap.

"Why'd you tell?"

She looks over at him and, for a split second, she can't cover her surprise. It only takes one second though before it's gone and she's arching an eyebrow.

"Why'd you lie?" she counters.

He lets out a long breath. Probably too long. He didn't know he had that much air in his lungs. "I was scared," he admits. He stops there, not saying what he was scared of—scared of being alone? Not being with Rachel? Scared of hurting someone he loves? Well. That all seems pointless now because all those things are true. He's man enough to look over at her.

He can see her throat move when she swallows. The noise is still sort of delicate but the room is quiet and he can hear it all the same. Her voice shakes a little more than his, too.

"So was I."

It's probably the first time he's heard or seen her admit any kind of fear. Usually she's, like, a bee or something—sensing fear and exploiting it. He kind of wonders if maybe she always does that just to cover up her own, then. What she could be afraid of is what he doesn't know, though.

"Of what?"

She meets his eyes and eventually shrugs, barely moving her arm but still brushing against him. She doesn't wanna have that conversation and he knows it. He's still not sure why she's even here in the first place, having _this_ one. She turns her head and her eyes roam over the room. "Nice digs," she comments. "Has Rachel seen them?"

It's kind of like she stabbed him with words. So in other words, this conversation isn't weird any more. He shakes his head.

"Good," she says. She stands up, leans over to kiss his cheek, and then leaves.

Girls are crazy. He doesn't think it has that much to do with the water.

* * *

There's a balance to things and the balance has been seriously fucked with. See, she likes to mess with it, the balance, but usually it restores in some predictable way after things shift. The last time Finn's relationship problems turned public (well, if you could consider Glee club _public_. She's up for that debate another time), he was gone for like two days before he came back and saved the day. He showed up at Sectionals and took charge of that shit and it was a totally good look on him, the whole confident group leader thing. It's been a while since she was attracted to anyone, really, since there's no new blood here and… she was bored this time. She toyed with it because she wondered, when he snapped into five-years-from-now-Finn, if she'd be attracted to him again.

There were some other politics there she wasn't going into, too, though. She's always been on the fringe of the group with the Azimio/Karofsky/Nelson assholes—she's not particularly interested in joining it—and there was _something_ going on with Kurt. She had her suspicions they were somehow messing with him, she saw one of them push him in the hall and the look of sheer terror on his face kind of made her think it wasn't the first time.

Then there was the 'girlfriend' meeting she was left out of. Then the boys ganged up—except for Finn. The whole thing was really complicated. She just wanted to spark something in Finn, maybe, inspire him to stand up to those guys who were picking on his almost-brother, even if it wasn't her job. The more she watched, the more she wondered if dating Berry had stripped his confidence completely. So… she pushed.

It's not that complicated, really. That doesn't mean she wants to draw the flowchart that would be required to explain it to him.

The way she sees it, if he'd nutted up and just bragged a little more about nailing her last year, Kurt wouldn't be at Dalton and Finn wouldn't have walked around all semester like a neutered puppy. He'd have the juice to make those guys back up off his new family. Actually, they're _all_ her family, the Glee club. She's not thrilled Kurt had to leave, and it's not like she can physically take those guys once they decide to push people around. Finn probably could, but he didn't have the confidence to do it. She just… tried to orchestrate it.

She hates failure, especially when it's failure making people do what she wants them to do.

So not only did that fail, Kurt will remain at Dalton and Karofsky will remain an unapologetic asshole (she's really starting to think there's more to that, too, but she needs more spy-time to figure that one out and she's not sure how much time she wants to spend on a waste of space who calls Finn gay because… he's a lot of really weird things that are way more annoying than liking cock), but Finn has been absent from every social thing that's happened since school has let out. Yeah, he might be missing the same old parties, the same old people, the same flat beer or whatever parents part with unnoticed, but he was _missing _them.

Doesn't he want his old rep back? That seems like what they're all after and he's always sort of been one of 'them', in that group at the top of the heap. It's like he gravitates there naturally. She'd say shit floats, but she's trying to be nice and really…she won't admit it if pressed, but he's not _that_ bad.

She just really doesn't understand, and isn't any clearer after she visits him.

She kind of hates that, too. He's not, like, deep or anything. So why can't she figure him out? She isn't sure how much time she wants to put into figuring him out but, fuck, things belong in their place and he's not sitting right and she has no idea why.

* * *

He's basically just as unprepared for the next time she shows up as he was the first time. At least he's the one that answers the door this time, though, and there are no Cheetos. And Kurt doesn't steal the remote.

Anyway.

"We're getting you out of this house. Have you left at all during the break?" She demands, hand on hip and attitude set to 'high.' (When isn't it?)

"I'm…" he looks over his shoulder. "Um. We're getting settled."

"You did not just _air-quote_ me."

He knows his face looks confused because he is confused. His one hand is on the open door and the other is by his side. He didn't air-quote her. Like, he literally didn't.

"Come on," she says, grabbing the front of his shirt as she comes inside. She tugs him to his room and lets go once the door is closed. "We should pick a better…" her eyes drop down the front of him. "… _everything_."

"I really don't wanna go anywhere," he admits with a sigh. "I _like_ hanging out at home."

She snorts. "Why? And… since when?"

He just shrugs. "I have On-Demand in my room."

Her eyes narrow. "Are you trying to turn this around on me?"

He bites his lip and starts the lamest stare-off ever. She's way better at it than he is and he knows it. Finally, he breaks, even if he manages to keep the grin small. Tiny. It's still a victory and her grin makes that pretty obvious as he looks away and opens his mouth. "Not even. I was just _saying_."

"What's your popcorn stock like?" She asks, but like, she's already taking off her shoes.

"We just moved in and it was Christmas." He scrunches his face up in thought and he knows before she says it that she's gonna call it 'gassy baby face'. He shakes his head and is kind of surprised it actually shuts her up. If life hadn't kicked him down about six hundred notches already, he'd think he was 'the man'. It's like a superpower or something. "Um. We might have some cookies or something, though. My mom's never really short on snacks."

The door flies open and takes a fucking year off his life. "House rule," Burt says.

"Since when?" Finn protests 'cause like they haven't been in this house long enough to have_ house rules._

"Since… I realized there was a girl in your bedroom with the door closed," he retorts. Finn rolls his eyes, but he's kind of laughing and shaking his head. "Five minutes ago. Hi. Burt Hummel," he redirects in Santana's direction. "I recognize you but I don't know you."

"Santana Lopez," she says. "I'm in glee club."

They get a few more awkward pleasantries (and Finn can tell Burt is curious about this girl because he has decidedly not mentioned Rachel in a while and when she came to bring Kurt sugar cookies, Finn totally did an obvious duck and run. In the middle of a football game. While things were tied up and his team was at first and goal. So. Burt sort of figured something was up with Finn and Rachel. Anyway. Yeah, it's been a conversation. There's been more ducking and running. Finn's kind of excited for school to start) out of the way and Burt leaves. He might be a few steps shy of removing the hinges from the door, though, even though he knows Quinn's baby wasn't Finn's and that whole thing really outed Finn's status as a virgin to their family in an uncomfortable way.

"He's… intense," Santana comments.

"Takes one to know one," Finn teases lightly. She leans into him and shoves him. It knocks him off-balance just enough she can grab the remote before he does.

"What's the deal there? Like. He practically did this," she says, unfolding her arms long enough to hover a finger over each eye and then flipping it around on him.

He laughs. "You did not just do that."

"Fuck. You're probably rubbing off on me."

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever. We don't hang out." The look on her face is pretty priceless, actually, 'cause she could've sworn that's what they were doing _right now_. Once he's leaning back on his palms on the bed, though, he switches gears and answers her question. What's he gonna do, hide shit from her? She'll figure it out anyway. He blows out a breath. "The deal with Burt is that he doesn't really trust me and I don't blame him. He thinks it's, in part, my fault that Kurt had to transfer."

She's quiet for a really, really long time. Which is, like, twice in the same night. He kind of actually takes that as her agreeing.

"It's just… it's complicated," he says, staring at a spot on the wall where Kurt missed when they were painting the room blue. "The thing with me and Burt. The whole family together thing is just… it's one step at a time. You know?"

"My parents have been married for 26 years. Catholics aren't allowed to get divorced."

He didn't know she's Catholic. Quinn's kind of Catholic isn't supposed to have sex before you're married and well… you know, honestly, he prayed to a sandwich and that effort sort of failed. Anything that makes you sing an R.E.M. song means you don't get to judge. (They rock and everything, they're just this side of weird to him. Like all the time. Michael Stipe is crazy.)

He nods. "Yeah, well… my parents didn't get divorced. My dad's dead." It's been a little bit of a point of contention, too, the feeling that his dad is being forgotten and replaced and sold off on Craigslist or something. (They compromised on a decent setup with his chair and picture in the family room. Still, though.) Anyway, he doesn't really explain any of that because he wipes his hand over his face which is the universal symbol for not wanting to talk about something. "Anyway. Me and Burt kind of have a lot in common on the surface but he just… he's really passionate and defensive of Kurt and it's usually at my expense." He shakes his head. "He wanted to know why I wasn't stepping up to protect my brother and what is that look on your face because it looks like you wanna say something."

She doesn't back down. He's used to looking down, hiding a little, a voice that goes weaker, and a girl who tucks her hair behind her ear before she looks at him and unleashes. Santana just sort of stares and it makes him feel weird.

"Why didn't you, though?"

He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I…I don't know."

She still doesn't back down. "That's bullshit. But we don't have to talk about it." She barely rests a beat before she points and clicks the remote. "I'm gonna make you watch Moulin Rouge."

"Seen it already," he admits. Like… really. Dated Rachel. Lived with Kurt. The movie has a Jedi in it. How did she not see it coming?

She laughs so hard she has to put her head in her hands. It actually makes him laugh, too. "I wish I had popcorn to throw at you if you sing along."

(He sings along because it's good to see her laugh. Especially when there's no way in hell he can hit the high part on the tangoey Sting cover… thing. Song. Whatever. Making her laugh made him feel a lot better about a lot of things. He wants to do it more.)

* * *

He runs into her at the ice cream place on Jones Ave.

No, like _runs_ into her.

At an ice cream place.

On New Year's Eve.

He's actually running. She's coming out. It could be argued he's got his mp3 up just a little too loud.

"Sorry," he says immediately as he steadies her before he realizes whose elbow he's got against his palm. "Santana!"

Her mother doesn't think it's appropriate for her to take a bottle of champagne to the party she's going to. She'll still take it, it's just that she'll hide it with this five gallon thing of ice cream she's miraculously still attached to after he plowed into her.

"Check yourself," she says. She waits for him to pull an earbud out of his ear, but she does it with her eyebrow arched.

"Sorry, I was… distracted I guess. Are you okay?"

She nods patiently even though she's not really patient. "Are you going to Karofsky's party tonight?"

The look on his face happens at least fifteen seconds before the words do. "Is that a real question?"

Right. She's talking to fringe-Finn. The dude who won't go to that party because he wasn't invited. The reason he wasn't invited is not because it wasn't his social group once upon a time, but because he doesn't want to. Way back in the day he was friends with those fools (we're talking middle school there), so he could probably get invited even if they have some problem with Kurt. He and Rachel were perfect together in that regard—she wasn't invited to the parties he didn't want to attend anyway. It's been a long time since she saw him at a party at all. She still doesn't know why.

"Good for you," she says with a nod. "Loser."

He rolls his eyes. "So _you're_ going then?"

She shrugs. "Unless you can find me some other awesome rager with all 25 Cheerios. And their alternates."

"Right. I forget you guys travel in a herd," he jokes. He is not funny. (He's also not wrong so whatever.) "You shouldn't. We should do something instead."

This is… well, he's practically ordering her. She would be irritated if it wasn't… attractive.

She's not going there.

"Like what?"

It's really not too much after that, they're sharing the forbidden champagne and five gallons of ice cream in her bedroom. For her, it was just a drive home and some gloves for her hands that were frozen by cookies and cream; for him, it was a shower because she threatens to cut off anything that still smells like he fucking ran_. Into her_. He ran into her. Did she mention that? She's not forgiving him for that shit right away, even if they're hanging out like girls and eating/drinking one of the most God-awful combinations of things she can think of off the top of her head.

"Do you ever think about the future?" He asks. His mouth isn't completely full, but it's not completely empty. She hates the question more than the way he asked it, though. He rests his spoon back into the container and sits back. "Like…what it'll be like when all the crap that's been going on is settled a little better and stuff doesn't suck?"

"Oh, God. This is not the breakup talk. Do not come to me for this."

He tilts his head and looks at her like he's trying to ask if she's serious. "I'm not. I just… that's not what I meant. Forget it."

"No. Explain," she says. It's not like she cares, she just doesn't have anything else to talk about either.

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face. "It's… just." He shakes his head and looks at her. "I'm not being a girl or anything and trying to get you to guess the problem. I just wondered if you ever thought about when we're outta here."

"All the time," she starts. She shrugs. "And kind of not at all. Why do I need to think about the future when my present is just fine? I'm young, I'm hot, and I'm head cheerleader because Fabray isn't touching that with a ten foot pole. Plus I just rocked my solo at Sectionals so more of that is bound to come my way now that I've pushed Berry aside."

He narrows his eyes and oh, she's missed that look on his face. It's kind of a cross of disbelief and don't-know-what-to-say.

"Now all I need is to find the right male lead. You know anyone who might be able to handle the job?"

The look on his face drops and he rolls his eyes. "No. Good luck with that." He reaches for the spoon again, which is too bad because she was gonna go put the soggy mess back in the freezer. It's almost midnight and she wants to start on the champagne.

"Is fucking me what broke you and Berry up?"

For a split second, she thinks he might actually cry because he looks fucking heartbroken. She should've guessed because he hasn't mentioned it, but at the same time she needs to know if she's that good at messing with people.

(Also, judging by the way Rachel showed up at the last party—the one Puckerman held—and was both obviously looking for Finn and pretty much crushed by his no-show, she might feel bad. Maybe. He should be with his friends for the holidays, okay? It's not like his family is that much fun. Half the time Kurt's a whiny bitch and Finn already admitted things suck in the whole step-family dynamic.)

Anyway he covers it and takes some extra time to lick his spoon really clean. Fuck. He might've not been much in bed, but he's always been a pretty solid kisser and it's been a while for her. He blows out a breath and she tries not to shiver because that's disgusting and also she doesn't want to think about why it would make her shiver in the first place.

He shakes his head and reaches over to put the lid back on the ice cream. "That was gonna be fine," he says. "Don't worry about it. I should've told her the truth anyway. It's not like I was ashamed or embarrassed that we had sex. Are you done with this? I'm done."

"Yeah, I'm done. Well, that's sort of how you made it seem."

"No, the stuff I told you at the wedding was true. I lied because she lied and then I didn't want to hurt her, which…." He brings his eyes up to her finally. She's not sure what he looks like. It isn't like she knows him that well. Apparently there's more than 'dim-witted jock' or 'boyfriend being led by his dick' there. It's kind of the first time she's seen it; that's not her being a bitch, that's just her thinking facts she won't state. "… well it was kinda wasted effort I guess. She didn't really care about protecting me and I feel stupid for trying to protect her."

She has no idea what he's talking about, but it probably just became her mission to find out. Not from him because he's totally helping himself to her house; he's going to put the ice cream away, the spoons in the sink. He comes back with champagne glasses—she isn't sure where he found them, by the way; her parents' kitchen isn't small and her mom has this irritating habit of changing things all around on a whim. Santana hasn't been able to find any sort of wine glass since, like, last year sometime. He's wearing a grin that tells her he's pretty proud to have them, too.

"Do you want to talk about that or do you wanna drink with me? 'Cause honestly… I think the drinking sounds more fun and you look like you'd rather off yourself than actually finish a conversation about feelings and stuff."

She wasn't asking about his feelings, she was asking for _facts_ about if she orchestrated the demise of his nauseatingly overwhelming and in-everyone's-face relationship. He isn't wrong, though, that there's appeal in drinking champagne with him and kissing it off his lips at midnight honestly isn't the worst way to start a year.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **This took a ridiculously long time to finish and I don't know why. Thank you, though, for reading and reviewing (I'm still working on replies and catching up on reading/reviewing of my own.) I sincerely hope it's worth the wait. Also, this is unbetaed so I hope that doesn't end up being a problem. Also, I uprated this to M because of this part and if you don't know why I don't know what to tell you other than it's Finntana and, even though it wasn't the plan, totally should've realized sooner how it would go.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own it, don't want it, don't look at me.

* * *

The first thing that happens when they're back in school (well… it's the first "noteworthy" thing, really; Glee isn't for a week after school starts back up from break) is Puck and Rachel sing a duet, some whiny song about needing someone now and being a little drunk and all alone. Finn's not entirely sure what that means exactly, or how he manages to avoid throwing up while he watches, but he does. He knows it isn't like they made out while they were practicing or anything, because Rachel a) takes practicing really seriously and b) has her eyes pleading with him to forgive her for a pretty good chunk of it.

He thinks back to the words he said to Santana, that Rachel didn't try to protect him at all; she wanted to hurt him.

_Two times_, he thinks as he's watching them sing. He's pretty sure that was her goal here, now, to make him jealous. Jealousy hurts and it's uncomfortable and it isn't a feeling he wants.

Anyway. It's two times too many. Any of the missing her or the messed up over her stuff he's been doing just… he wants it to stop.

He wants her to stop trying to get him back because he's exhausted by it. Trying to let the football dudes into Glee for the halftime show thing is, honestly, _less_ tiring so he just pays attention to that instead.

* * *

"Finn kissed me at midnight on New Year's," she says, leaning down to talk into Rachel's ear while Rachel's got a face buried in a locker. "On my bed." Rachel stiffens up but doesn't say anything.

She knows Finn well enough now to know he didn't do it to make Rachel jealous; not the same reasons at all for Rachel's duet/shitshow with Puck in Glee club. It doesn't mean she won't exploit it anyway and she doesn't need to do anything else with it. She's confident Rachel can handle it from here.

* * *

"Is it true?" Rachel demands. Finn closes his locker to see her face. He didn't see her there, and no he wasn't expecting her, but she's not exactly scary or anything.

"What?" He asks, though, because he doesn't know what she's talking about. The rumor mill in this place runs faster than his head does on any given day, so no, he's got less than no idea what she might've heard and decided to ask him about now.

"Did you…" she looks over her shoulder and, of course Jacob is hovering because he's always about three steps behind Rachel. Even if Finn's not her boyfriend anymore, and God it kind of stabs him in the stomach a little to think that, he really wants to squash the stalking somehow. He's glad she lowers her voice before she continues. "Did you ring in the New Year with Santana? Did you… kiss her on her bed?"

He doesn't want to hurt her—he doesn't. There's enough hurting between them, there's _been_ enough hurting between them, and he kind of just wants it to stop. Plus, dishonesty is what led them here.

"Yes," he says. He offers no other information because he doesn't want to and it's not her business.

"_Why_? She's mean and she's vindictive and she's generally terrible to you, Finn; to me, too."

He puts a hand on her shoulder and leans over to kiss her forehead. The weight of the gesture isn't lost on either of them really and he hears her sharp intake of breath just following his own. "I'm not gonna do this with you. I spent time with her because I wanted to, and that's all the explanation I'm gonna give for it."

"Are you two together?" She asks.

"No." He thinks about saying _neither are we_, but he's pretty sure she knows that and he doesn't know if he could actually get the reminder out of his mouth anyway. He puts his hands on the straps of his backpack. "I have to go, Rachel."

He feels sort of gutted, but it's really hard not to smile at least a little when he sees the way Santana watches him as he goes. (He knows she overheard and he likes the look on her face because it's all about _him_, he thinks, and not about the fact that she obviously told Rachel about their kissing. It feels like he passed a pop quiz.)

* * *

So, all on his own and in kind of a quiet and humble way she has no idea how he actually manages (since she's obviously neither thing really), he all but single-handedly leads their football team through a winning season and championship.

It'd be hot if there wasn't that moment at the end of the game where the players who are dating Cheerios meet up on the sidelines for some kind of disgusting and unfortunate-for-witnesses celebration of performance.

She wants to shudder just thinking about it because there is at least a little humping going on and occasionally a teacher has to break it up. Not all that long ago—and honestly, it was before the team started winning—Berry and the Beast would've been part of it. Now, though, he just disappears into the players' tunnel well ahead of his teammates, quietly and by himself.

The oddest thing of all is that he goes with his eyes off the stands and off the couples, but still with a small and accomplished smile on his face. Every single fucking time. She doesn't get it.

* * *

He tries not to be, like, bitter or pathetic or anything. It's just that he told Rachel he would look for her in the stands when he helped the team score, way back at the beginning of the season, and then he'd point and everyone would know she was his girlfriend. Now he can't even stand to look because he isn't completely sure he wants her to be there. He's playing really well, head in the game and all that, and he has half a thought it's happening because he isn't with her or anyone and his brain isn't full of all that twitterpated garbage.

He tries not to be too surprised or annoyed or anything when Quinn kisses him. There was sort of an understanding when he pulled her, Santana, and Brittany away from Coach Sylvester. He just apparently didn't know it was the kind of understanding that let her push her mouth against his for the first time in, like, a year. When she has another boyfriend. See? He wasn't wrong. Girls are crazy—and this kind of crazy he really, really doesn't know what to do with. (Other than tell her no because hi, he was the Sam of this situation in some ways, just a little while ago. He's getting better but he's still not 100% and he's not doing that to someone else. Plus he can't stop himself from considering other other people.)

* * *

Quinn talks a lot of shit on the rare occasion she drinks. Sometimes Santana wishes she remembered earplugs for the duration because she feels like her ears might be more important than this train wreck.

She laughs and just about spits her drink back into the blue plastic cup when Finn walks up and tucks some of the small, yellow spongy earplugs he keeps with him for drumming into her hand. He walks away without an actual word. Other than his hand brushing against hers, she doesn't think anyone is the wiser and it's totally hot. He's, like, sneaky and it gets pretty attractive when she's not expecting it. She can't figure that out either, so she'll just add it to the list. She needs to start crossing shit off that list because it's getting a little long for her comfort.

The only unfortunate part about the exchange is that it gets Quinn talking about how Finn is 'the one who got away' because he didn't react when she kissed him. She's talking pretty loudly. Rachel cautiously made an appearance at this gig and her face shows she heard. Santana just shakes her head and tells Quinn to sober up before she makes an idiot out of herself without pointing out that it's too late for that already.

She's not totally prepared for Finn to press up behind her at the (poor excuse for a) drink table. Her unprepared status in no way explains the word vomit that immediately follows when she realizes he's there. "Quinn kissed you? When did that happen?"

He's standing close enough she can feel him take in a breath. "The other day in the hallway—after the game. She said something about how hot it is when I'm in control of stuff."

Santana smirks a little but doesn't bother to turn around at all. She likes this conversation. Fuck, maybe she likes _him_. She's not saying that. "I might die as soon as the words are out of my mouth, but she's not wrong."

He turns his head and she can feel his breath on her ear and it's seriously a problem, especially when he kisses the skin lightly. "Glad you think so. We should leave."

She starts to turn toward to him to ask where he honestly gets that idea—she only sort of sees it—and he plants his hands on her shoulders so she can't move. He has her attention. "Quinn isn't the one I wanna be kissing. Just…not here, either." She can hear him pause to swallow and can feel the steady in-and-out of his breathing against her back. He's bigger than her and steady and… well, she doesn't hate it. Not even a little. "I'm parked up the block by Pierson's house. Meet me there in ten."

He doesn't ask and he doesn't wait. It's sort of perfect. She really doesn't get him; she never would've guessed Finn Hudson was that capable of getting her attention but like she thought before—he has it. Even if he didn't, probably the best part would be that no one really thinks anything of it when she leaves and no one knows she's meeting him. She sort of gets off on being in on secrets and this one is definitely not an exception.

* * *

He's gets on a hot streak with basketball that makes Coach Beiste stare at him. She does pull him aside—and kind of scare the crap out of him because he only understands like half the stuff she says and usually only when it's about a pick or whatever—and ask if he's okay. When all he does is raise his eyebrows, she says he's the only one she doesn't have to worry about. Like… he doesn't get pulled away from a girl on the sidelines after a game and he doesn't get caught in the random drug tests she does when she knows there's a party over the weekend. He's not even close to the grade cut-off because his grades are all A's and B's.

"Will says you had a rough time in the fall, something about a breakup with that girlfriend of yours, but you haven't missed a beat."

"I… aren't those all good things?" He asks, confused. "Why does that make you worried?"

She stares some more and finally just shrugs, but then she asks what he does for fun.

He really… he's not gonna say that, as of last night, he does _Santana_ when they're far, far away from the school. He's pretty sure that's not what she means and he kind of likes that only he and Santana know about that.

"I, um. My mom just got married so I hang out with my family and… and some friends," he says. He shrugs and rolls his hand over the back of his neck and tries to play it cool.

"Okay, Hudson. As long as you're not gonna burn yourself out," she says, and pats his shoulder as she goes. "Keep up the good work."

It makes him feel good. He feels… well he feels _really_ good, actually. Like in an overall sense.

He almost doesn't know what to do with it because when things feel good he usually falls apart. He's pretty determined not to do that this time.

* * *

She leans against his locker, waiting yet again for his slow ass after classes let out. He has a bye for basketball and they're going to Glee to hopefully counteract the fucking terrible fundraising ideas that were discussed (laughed at but, unfortunately, not shot down) last week. They have enough money problems; she doesn't know why, exactly, they should raise money for the academic decathlon or mathletes or whatever it is. Even if she adores Britt, she doesn't wanna do it.

It has nothing to do with the fact that one suggestion was a kissing booth and there's exactly one guy they talked about doing it (and one girl—that was her. She obviously said no because that's disgusting. It's bordering on whoredom and she doesn't want to play. She has _some_ standards, okay? God.)

She ignores the way she feels when they make eye contact and he can't really totally bury the grin that shows up on his face when he sees her. He looks away and wraps it up but she knows it was happening and he had to try and it feels pretty good. Even better when she realizes no one noticed and they're still under the radar.

"Hi," he says, neutral-toned and dimples flashing as he turns face his locker and starts spinning the dial. She may or may not know that his combo is 14-82-33; she can't help it. She just saw and remembered and is storing that information for later.

"Hi," she says, arching an eyebrow. "So. Kissing booth?"

He lets out a breathy little laugh. "No."

"Good," she says. They had this conversation after the basketball game last weekend only with less clothes. She liked that one better. She pointed out that he's back on top when it comes to popular and rep and whatever and he could probably make a killing at something like a kissing booth.

_There's only one person I feel like kissing, though. She doesn't have to pay me, either_, was probably the best thing he could've said and it led to more kissing. They got distracted and didn't actually finish the convo. She just really wants to make sure they're still on the same page here.

"You were the other person they mentioned, y'know." His voice is low and close and she shivers watching the muscles in his arm clench and shift right next to her while he swaps out books and binders and whatever. He's been working out, lifting more, and it shows. He's getting completely hot on her and she doesn't exactly mind. Obviously.

"I know," she says. Her eyes shift to follow movement at the end of the hall and she sees Mercedes coming, the nosy bitch. She pushes off the locker so they don't get caught and cranks her voice up a little so Mercedes will know what they're talking about without getting any ideas. "And I'd like to think a kiss from me is worth more than a damn dollar anyway."

He can't hide his smile, but he can at least hide his face to keep them quiet to one of the loudest people ever. That's coming from her, which says a lot. She walks away with Mercedes, thinking maybe she and Finn understand each other in a lot of ways without talking so much she wants to punch herself.

A little while later, though, she's doubling back after Glee to slip a ten in his locker to see if he'll get the joke, and she overhears him talking to Rachel in the hall about Rachel making a _comeback_. It almost stops her in her tracks because she thinks she can cross something off that list of questions about him—she understands him better after she hears it. He's been making his own comeback—the focusing on team successes and keeping his private shit quiet so no one could tear it down.

He has the _confidence_ to be with her. Let's be real, she's always liked a winner; he's secure enough she'll _let _him be with her now. He doesn't care about how things look or whatever because he's on top and doing what he wants anyway—which is her because look at her. Of course it is.

Except his quiet, steady insistence he wants _her_ is kind of resolving a lot of insecurities she's had after being second best, being not-head-Cheerio, being the girl who gets fucked around on and tossed aside. Shit. He knows how that feels and he's treating her the exact opposite and she kind of loves it.

She probably won't admit that ever. He probably knows anyway, so there you have it.

* * *

Once she explains it a little, the ten-dollar bill becomes their thing, passed back and forth like normal couples would exchange texts or notebook paper.

It doesn't suck.

* * *

There's a bunch of crap that goes into it and he doesn't really know what's happening, exactly, but the end result is Kurt returns to McKinley.

He's glad. He really is. Seeing Kurt on weekends only kind of sucked; seeing him in Glee is a whole lot better. Or it will be. It's just… things are really different now than they were and he may not know all the details that went down, but he knows _enough_. He tells Burt that he'll have Kurt's back and, generally he means it, it's just… he hopes he actually can. He's not that confident about it. Karfosky and he are about the same size, roughly, but he definitely doesn't think he can take Azimio. It isn't that he wants Kurt to get hurt. God, that's like the opposite of what he wants ever. He just doesn't want himself to get hurt either. Is that so bad? Like if the assholes could stay on one side of line and he and Kurt could stay on the other, permanently, that would be pretty boss.

Parents are gone and there's music. Kurt's still moving stuff back from the dorms at Dalton so he and Blaine are in and out of the house, driving back and forth and generally turning down Finn's (half-hearted because moving _sucks _but he'll do it for Kurt if he has to) offers to help. Santana is hanging out but, like, she's been on the floor doing something that involves paint and her fingernails and he wasn't listening after that. He put on some music in the background to help him focus on the completely lame amount of reading he needs to get done for history – but really his mind is elsewhere. His mind is on Kurt coming back to this school because his parents can't afford tuition, even if they want to after Kurt was broken and crying and left. He knows it isn't that money is more important than safety, but there wasn't a lot they could do because buying a house was expensive; parents gave up a honeymoon to send Kurt there for the time he was and it's not like they can give that up twice exactly. They sat down as a family and talked about Kurt going back and… it's a lot on his mind, okay?

Plus Jesse St. James is back and kind of stinking the place up and Rachel kind of has this face about a bunch of things. Sam and Quinn broke up after someone told Sam that Quinn kissed Finn; he and Sam had this whole really intense and stupid conversation about it but he had to be nice 'cause Sam has bigger issues and his family lives in a hotel and… basically there's just a lot going on and he can't wait for school to be over.

Plus either the crap his iTunes is spitting out or the fumes from Santana's nail polish are going to his head and he can't think.

The next thing he knows, she's straddling him and he's looking at her face instead of the ceiling. His day just got a little better.

"I'm gonna ask this as nicely as I know how," she says. He automatically grins because, based on her voice alone, it's not gonna be that nice. "What's your problem? Your book fell off the bed like an hour ago and you've made that stupid sighing noise about eight times."

He scowls and blinks and looks at her but… that also happens when his hands land on her ass while she's talking. It's like he can only do one thing at a time and touching her takes priority. "Just… a lot on my mind."

"Try me," she says and she sits up and it's like… her pressed against him and yeah.

"Kurt'll be back at McKinley on Monday," he admits, looking away from her a little. "So… like. Karofsky. Azimio. He's… Kurt's my _brother_ and that's all taken a while to gel and I just don't want anything to mess it all up. I can't, like, walk him to and from class or something because that'd be super creepy."

She tilts her head and stares at him for a minute. "Do you trust me?"

She's sitting right on top of… y'know. His business. He's pretty sure that means there's a few levels he trusts her on; if it's a don't-be-mean-to-Kurt level? Probably not.

"I…"

"You should trust me." She shifts around a little and God. It's a pretty convincing argument to change the subject right quick. "I know some things about Dave Karofsky."

He kind of compromises and holds her tighter, grinding his hips against her thighs a little bit. "Um. How, though?"

"Don't worry about that part. I've got this covered. Just… you're gonna have to trust me."

He doesn't like the sound of it. "Can I have, like, any more information though?"

She leans down and kisses him, biting his lip a little bit as she goes, and then she starts working her way down his body with her mouth and her hands. "Let's just say I don't want Kurt to get hurt any more than you do and I know how to scare the holy living crap out of that piece of shit."

He wants to ask for more information, but there's some other stuff happening between her mouth and where she's totally turned him on and… it's hard to say anything but yes (maybe a few times) and sink his hands into her hair.

* * *

He's not sure how a blow job got him to agree to watching Santana and Dave pretend to date. It was a really good blow job and everything, but… yeah. It sucks. She said to trust her, though, and she spends quite a bit of time with him outside of school and everything so he knows whatever she and Karofsky are doing is just a little and only during school hours. Plus it keeps Kurt safe, like she said. He tries not to think about how that's the only actual promise she made—that Kurt wouldn't get hurt—but it only sort of works.

He doesn't really dare say much to her about it, though, and the feeling just sort of builds the longer it's going on.

He writes a song about it, kind of on an airplane when he's sitting by himself and feeling stupid for feeling lonely or something, but it's Rachel he ends up duetting with about Pretending. He's thinking about Santana—his girlfriend? They don't have a label—the whole time. He thinks maybe keeping it secret is asking her to trust him quite a bit, too, because there was a lot of emotion and energy between him and Rachel during the song.

(He thinks if they were together or something, they might've kissed at the end, but they aren't and they didn't and he's glad. He doesn't really trust _her_. Not anymore, because she taught him not to, at least not with important things like his heart or his self-confidence. He should probably rely on himself for the second one anyway.)

* * *

Finn's so relieved when Santana and Karofsky 'break up.' Mostly because Karofsky's dad pulls him out of their school. Paul is a good guy who thinks it's bullshit Kurt feels like he needs an escort in the hall. Azimio isn't graduating, but he's done, finally expelled by the school board because he grabbed a teacher's ass or something gross. The two things happened this morning and Finn's pretty relieved. All of them are, actually.

Anyway, she knows he's relieved because he pulls her into his house that afternoon, following Jacob's 'top news story' about the breakup, and he kisses her hard basically immediately. He pushes her up against the wall just to the right of the door like he can't wait a single second longer and he's not asking if she's okay with it. He's doing what he wants. What she wants is to forget about things like doors being closed and other people being around. They keep their distance, keep it casual during the school day, sure. There are two more days of school, though, and she's tired of waiting for summer when they can just relax all the time. She wraps her legs around his waist and tells him to fuck her 'right here right now.'

He listens, but adds he was "gonna to do it anyway" as he presses inside her.

It's kind of weird that they're just getting to this—as they're getting to it—but… "Parents?"

"Work," he says quickly, breathlessly as he pushes her against the wall.

"Kurt?" She asks, running her tongue along his bottom lip.

"Don't say my brother's name while we're doing this," he says, but he smiles as he braces his hands against her legs. With the shift, something is different and very, very right, and his thumb presses against the spot just on the inside of her thigh that makes her see white.

She's got her head back and probably one of the world's sexiest noises coming out of her mouth as she clenches around him. He's about to trip over the edge himself as he hears… he can't explain it. It's like a gasp and not from the girl coming undone in his arms. He was already too close to gone to stop it but… if there's such a thing as concentration that starts with an "o", his was totally blown by the noise. He doesn't come anywhere nearly as hard as she did but it's not like he's mad. Any afternoon that starts off like this is better regardless of, say, intensity.

He pulls out of her and they resituate clothes before he goes into the kitchen and realizes there was a very real finish-ending noise from his very real and slightly pale brother.

"Do I need to start knocking before I walk into any room in the house?" Kurt says evenly, not looking over from where he's pouring over the drink selection on the top shelf of the refrigerator. "Even the ones without doors? Because I certainly don't think that's what my dad had in mind when he came up with the open door policy."

He looks over at her and makes a face and she offers a small little laugh and a headshake. She's so, so sexy when her skin is glowing like that and her hair's a little messed up. He doesn't really want to know what she'd do or say if he told her that, though, so he keeps it to himself.

* * *

Kurt's a gossip and she knew this; she just didn't know it was going to come around to bite her in the ass so hard. No matter how much of a fight face she wears, apparently now that she's fucking his brother, she's not scary.

She's still working out the math on that one in her head when Tina and Mercedes walk up to her on the last day of Glee club (so close), link their arms through hers, and start _gushing_ about it. She'd totally go all Lima Heights on Finn but she can sort of hear him getting a metric ton of shit about it from Puck on the other end of the choir room. He's not really saying anything, either. He isn't protesting, he isn't complaining or arguing. He does eventually tell Puck to shut up, but he even manages to pull that off without being a total dick.

He just looks at her with this… God it's sort of like a smirk she really shouldn't be attracted to at all. He presses his lips together tight and holds back a smile and just shrugs—the tiniest bit—before Puck demands his attention again. Then they're starting and talking about the 12th place finish at Nationals and it's a typical Glee meeting again for about ten minutes until someone (Kurt _again_) blurts out that Finn and Santana are dating.

She finally intervenes way, way later when Finn and Kurt are arguing about it at the Hudmel house. She's kind of been sitting here and half-assed listening to the new Kanye on her iPod (it sucks, by the way) and generally trying to ignore them and pretend this isn't her entire summer she's staring at right now.

_"_I don't care, man. It was private! It's her business and my business! Now it's all ruined with other people knowing! I _liked _keeping it to myself."

_"_Not in the living room you didn't_."_

_"_Get over it! I saw you and Blaine with your hands_—_"

She doesn't need to know where Blaine's hands were, thank you very much. That is a piece of information she will never, not once in this lifetime, need for anything. She stands up and yanks the earbuds out of her ears so she can hear exactly what she's yelling.

"That's enough! I swear to God, you two. You're ruining my summer and it's about five minutes in. Give it a rest." She turns to Kurt. "I don't know why you felt like broadcasting something that was not your business to everyone, but your work is done here. The secret is out. Congratulations!"

"And you…" she turns to Finn-who has just realized that he misbuttoned his shirt, probably at some point this morning. He's been walking around like that _all_ damn day. He's busy trying to fix it and she can see his mouth moving as he freaking _counts_. Her retort might die on her lips right there because, even if she wanted to make fun of him (which she actually kind of does), the way his fingers move is distracting. His hands are really nice. She knows that because she knows how they feel on her. The way his mouth moves is distracting because she knows what it's like when he wants to kiss her and moves it with purpose.

It hits her like a ton of bricks. She's at least a little bit in love with him. He gets the button situation squared away (which, given her realization isn't going to last him that long anyway) and looks up with a little grin and a "what?" she doesn't want to be charmed by, but she totally is anyway. Maybe there's something in the water.

Also, maybe it's more than a little bit. Crap. She's not going to say it just yet anyway; she just shakes her head at him. "Nothing."

It doesn't _really_ matter. They go at their own pace—no matter who knows it or how they know it.

For once, she isn't in any major hurry. They're young and they've got plenty of time on their side.


End file.
